Things need to change
I do not pretend to have found the Holy Grail cure to anxiety. I do however cope far better with my anxiety now than I used to. Therefore, the aim of this post is to share my experience and the strategies that have helped me, in the hope that they may help others too.
For far too long I focused all my energy on trying to control my anxiety through ineffective methods that never really worked nor addressed the underlying cause. It took an extremely severe episode to force me to address that things needed to change!
Societal expectations and norms
From the moment I started to suffer with anxiety in my teenage years, I decided that I would not let it prevent me from achieving my goals. It wasn’t going to stop me. At an early age, I felt the pressure to achieve, to strive, to aim high, to be successful. Don’t we all?
A self-motivated, driven and determined child, in later years, I preceded to confront my anxiety in the same way. Many would consider this quite a commendable approach, but in doing so, I placed a great deal of pressure on myself.
I forced myself to do things that I didn’t really want to do because of my bloody mindedness. Adopting societal expectations and norms as my own. However, what I really didn’t do was invest enough time in getting to know myself, and, ultimately choosing the life I wanted. To know yourself is to know what you want, and importantly what you don’t want. I made bad career choices and bad life choices driven by the pressure to succeed.
My chosen career path in academia simply didn’t suit me. I felt like I couldn’t be myself. Weekends and holidays were spent preoccupied by work rather than enjoying time with my family and friends. Resilience, now there’s a word that’s bandied about too much these days! It’s so widely misused. A commendable characteristic valued by employers, but what has it come to mean? Denying our feelings or emotions? Not being affected by adversity? Taking on too much without complaining?
Something needs to change
I focused so much of my attention on conquering my fears, insecurities and limitations – so much effort on self-improvement. However, I spent too little time on getting to know myself, and understanding what’s important to me. Self-acceptance, understanding and discovery is key to choosing the life we want.
Persevering with this unhappiness led to a nervous breakdown. I tried to control the anxiety, treating the symptom rather than addressing the cause. Ignoring the cause ultimately had catastrophic consequences and I became very unwell. Hitting rock bottom forced me to make a very significant but necessary change.
The point I’m trying to make is that dealing with the anxiety and depression alone wasn’t going to work for me this time. I needed to make some serious changes to my life.
The first step was to concede that my chosen career path just wasn’t working out. We focus so much attention on our career, often to the detriment of so many other things that are also important in life. Consider the questions we ask people we’ve just met or haven’t seen for sometime: What are you doing now? What do you do? Where do you work? What are you up to these days?
We define ourselves according to what we do to earn a living, our job.
Reduce stress, improve personal wellbeing and make necessary changes
Since a particularly awful episode, my approach to dealing with my anxiety has changed, and it’s working better for me. Focussing my attention on reducing stress, looking after my wellbeing and making necessary life changes are key to protecting my mental health.
Notice the stealth signs of Stress
We all know that stress is evil. It takes its toll on our mental and physical health. It’s taken me too long to realise that it’s really worth investing time in reducing stress levels.
I’ve started to notice the stealth signs of stress. For me, a nervous energy creeps in. My mind becomes very busy and distracted. It becomes difficult to focus on a task in hand leading to low productivity. Eventually, my sleep suffers and I spend my days in a permanent state of distraction. All this leaves me exhausted. I’m too tired to walk, exercise, spend time with friends and family, eat well – all the things that matter in life and make me feel good.
It’s easy to understand why this happens. We often place our own needs below everything else in our lives! So it’s easy not to notice the signs of stress until it’s too late. Too late for me equals an episode of bad anxiety that can last from days to weeks to months even. It’s taken me far too long, but now I can recognise when I’m beginning to feel stressed and take steps to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand.
Recognising that I’m feeling stressed really is half the battle. Stress cannot be addressed or reduced until I recognise that it’s happening! As mentioned above, a stressful time in my life will cause an episode of anxiety, usually health anxiety. I find myself starting to worry about a mild physical symptom and my thoughts become irrational and out of control. Overthinking everything! I allow my worries to hijack my thoughts. It spirals out of control to the point that most of my time is consumed with worry and overthinking. So much time spent worrying rather than living. Recognising the signs of stress allows me to take steps to address it before harmful behaviour patterns set in. How do I address stress once I’ve recognised it? I do the things that give me a good sense of wellbeing.
Wellbeing
Taking care of our personal wellbeing should be a priority. It demonstrates a sense of love and respect for ourselves. However, taking care of our personal wellbeing becomes vital to combat stress or manage anxiety. Afterall, the two are not mutually exclusive. Anxiety can lead to symptoms of stress and vice versa!
For me, protecting my wellbeing helps ground me in the present and provides small personal gains during adverse times. Similarly to recognising signs of stress before it sets in, it’s important to recognise what it is that improves our overall wellbeing. What makes us feel calm, present, and peaceful?
I know what I can do to make me feel good and reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety! Spending time with loved ones, curling up with a good book, taking a bath and getting a good night’s sleep, watching live music, going out for a meal are all important aspects of self-care and love. In terms of combating signs of stress and symptoms of anxiety, Mindfulness and Physical Activity are key players to me.
I start every day with a cold shower, something I started during a really bad episode of anxiety after hearing about Wim Hoff and the mental health benefits of cold water. Although research in this area is still growing, anecdotal evidence suggests that cold water stimulates mood enhancing hormones. This has certainly been the case for me.
I walk and exercise regularly, both of which I enjoy and keep me present. I can honestly say that my mental health really suffers if I don’t do some form of exercise. A rush of endorphins is just the ticket if you’re feeling low! I’ve always thought I have too much energy, and if I don’t burn it off my mind tries to burn it off for me!
I completed an 8-week Mindfulness course to manage my anxiety. In a nutshell, Mindfulness involves resting the mind in the present moment. It involves directing attention away from thinking and preoccupation. Mindfulness practice is about being present during our everyday actions, rather than simply going through the motions. It is undoubtedly one of the BEST things I’ve EVER done to help my anxiety. I don’t sit and meditate everyday, although sometimes I will stick on some headphones and follow a guided meditation. However, I do try to meditate every day.
My favourite time to practice Mindfulness meditation is when I’m walking. I don’t always manage it, but I always manage to achieve some sense of wellbeing from walking. It could be something simple such as noticing a tree that I’ve passed many times before and never noticed. It might be that I notice colours of flowers, moss, fungi or leaves – the changing seasons. I may rest my mind on sounds, the birdsong or wind blowing the trees. Sometimes, it’s as simple as gazing up to the sky and feeling a beam of sunshine on my face, standing still for a minute or two to embrace the comforting warmth. These micro pleasures make me feel rooted in nature and grounded in the present moment. I find that it’s during these moments when I’m walking that I feel most at peace.
Make necessary changes
Making necessary life changes is also important but can be the hardest of all to implement. For me, I knew that I needed to change my career. It was making me miserable! Turning my back on a career that I’d worked so hard to achieve was not easy, but 100% necessary. It immediately removed one aspect from my life that was contributing to my poor mental health.
I accepted a significantly lower paid job – certainly not a dream job – but nevertheless a job that doesn’t adversely affect my mental health. Do I regret turning my back on a successful career? Absolutely not! I wasn’t prepared to spend the best years of my life miserable pursuing a career I didn’t enjoy.
However, change doesn’t have to be that drastic. It can be as simple as setting work boundaries, committing to regular walks or exercise, making time to meditate – micro wins to keep you going and perk you up. You KNOW what you need to change!
In a nutshell
Recognise stress and take steps to reduce it, do the shit that makes you feel good, avoid the shit that doesn’t, and don’t be afraid of change! It sounds obvious, right? But for too long I was lazy when it came to taking care of my mental health. I treated the symptoms with ineffective methods and ignored the underlying cause.
Work-related stress and dissatisfaction I ignored for years led to a devastating crescendo, but it alerted me to what I needed, and what I wanted. I challenged my status quo.
